real vision...real values... real service...

real vission, real values and real service...

these have been one of the many cries of TAPAT that has echoes through the halls of de la salle university. its been a whole year since ive joined this party and every day that ive spent with them has been a great day... you learn a lot... you learn of the party's principles and you learn to socialize.

yesterday was the last day of the freshmen elections.... and it couldnt have been worse for all of us.... my former college, the college of computer studies has been the greatest challenge for me... since running last july, ive never experienced a straight batch.... i feel so stupid that a lot of people would let the freebies get their votes... so its already as if their letting their votes be bought. 

letting all that aside, i said to the candidates that the echoes of tapat would always be heard through the halls of de la salle university and this will be my passion this coming elections.... this is my promise...

21 years of student service,21 years of pro student and pro people governance, this has been alyansang tapat sa lasallista's  history..... a party backed by progress, principles and pioneering service. this is the party that has captured my heart.....

greatest story ever told....

wahhhhhh...right now, its 3:05 in the morning.... wanna know why im still awake??? its not coz of coffee or anything, its coz shes already on my mind... ive spent the night talking with my friend anil at starbucks.... and guess who was our topic?? its her...

shit... it still hurts... i can barely breathe when  i see her.... her memories keep holding me down... i can barely move... i can barely talk..... in short, im not me.... what am i to do?? drink??? drink till i drop,??? after the alcohol, everything comes back... harder... stronger.... hide??? where??? everywhere i go, its her i think about.... its her i see... everything and everyone reminds me of her.....

i can barely take this.... you wanna know the truth??? its you i love... no one else.... i cut off all the girls i know coz from the start, i wanted to be faithful to you.... whenever id tell my friends about you, id describe you like i was describing the most beautiful painting of a great artist... i wouldnt run out of words for you..... i wouldnt stop talking about how you got me hooked on you.... the smiles you gave me while i was texting you... the laughs i had during our conversations... they still make me smile upto now...

the pain is kept under by the smiles.... my friends would constantly ask me why i wasnt that angry or bitter.... my friends call me stupid.... the call me dumb and at times, even immature.... and i dont care... coz only those who felt the same way can know what to call me.... call me whatever you like... call me dumb... stupid...immature....hopeful.....crazy.... call me whatever you want for all i care....

all i know is that i still love you with everything in me.... bitter??? theres no sense in being bitter.... why would i get mad at you??? you're the one who taught me to be faithful.... honest....  and to love with everything in the wind... i know that someone could have told you otherwise....he/she could have told you that i was a player.... that i broke hearts growing up...they could have even told you that i grew up killing people... well all i know is that all i ever did was to love you night and day... to keep myself awake thinking about you... to watch the stars shine in the thought of you... to find ways to think about you in the most crucial of moments....

believe it or not, anger isnt a question for me... i never knew what being hurt was until now.... and i never want to feel it again.. neither would anyone right??? well.... if God told me that i can change the ending of this story and live it again....or maybe he'd allow me another chance to change the way things went.... i can change a lot... the way i acted... that i wouldnt lose my phone so that i could still text you.... that maybe i can stop loving you... or maybe even erase the fact that i ever met you... well if that oppurunity comes, i'l jsut smile.... and say.... well i dont want to change a thing.... positive or negative.... coz if i did that, the world wouldnt know what my greatest story was.... and it was falling in love with you...

yes, i agree the pain is there... upto now.... and who knows when and if it would ever go away... all i know is that my greatest joy is knowing that you would find someone you'd love wholeheartedly... someone who'd be able to fill all the gaps that ive done....

------still hoping... and still hurting... yet smiling with my heart----

Currently Listening Hours By Funeral for a Friend see related

what about your image??? selfishness surrounds it...

well its been a long time since ive been written anything in my blog....

well now ive learned a lesson... love can find painful ways of biting you in your heart in the most spectacular and painful ways possible.....

heres the story:

i met this ravishing girl this term...and all of a sudden, im really really attracted to her.... and i dont know why... we were really doing alright(for me).... i mean we'd text through nights and occassionally talk on the phone..there was even a time when i asked her to go out with me...she said maybe sumtyn we can, so thats kinda like her giving me a chance ryt??. and it was, well really everythng that meant to me.... kasi ganun tlga ko magmahal e... lahat lahatan.... so there then i lost my phone... and all of a sudden, contact was cut short... but i got her number again... so i think it was doing better.....

then last july 3, she said no to me... i mean everything i worked for was for nothing.... well she said that she didnt give me a chance but to me she did... and she actually told some of our common friends that she did give me a chance.... then she even called me a player "dude, you're a player dude" that was the exact line she told me.... ive ever been so sad my life... to the point that i was already tired of living and tired of loving.... my friends all said that it was just one girl in the hope of keeping me alive, well i still am right.... pero thats where they were wrong... i mean ive always believed in a saying that "love does things for reason which reason itself does not understand..."... here's the part that hurts me the most.. she even asked my friend "what about my image sa barkada??"  have you ever heard anything more selfish??? i mean after everything i did.... even not going to class...... everything.... all she could care about is her image??? f*** you!! you put me through everything... and all you care about is your f'n image???? wow!! your selfishness is way above any level!!....

tears throught my face...

this day, i never really knew the importance of specific chances..... i was really drunk and i knew it.... yet still, i took the chance of explaining to her the way that i felt in the hope that she may change the way she feels.... but all this came to no avail.....

i was really drunk... drinking 5 beers and 1 blue illusion... yet all that wasnt enough to hide the fact that my heart was broken into so many pieces that they could all fit into a an eye of a needle.... the things that i said would make most drama films crumble at my feet.... yet thats when i knew that this wasnt just a normal thing..

i really dont know what to do right now.... all i know is that i cant live like this the whole time.... all my friends and family are being affected by me.... which is something that i dont want to do to them.....all i know is that i am really really sorry for the way ive been acting and the things that ive been saying....

Currently Listening Hours By Funeral for a Friend history see related

with nothing to do....

i dont have anything to do at 4:30 am... i just woke up from a long long nap..... starting at 8 pm upto 3 am.... well i was with my friend, pat at jay's place.... we werent doing anything except listening to music... then pat played an eraserheads cd...... i heard the song pare ko..... then suddenly it all felt different... once i heard the lyrics of the song, i suddenly asked myself how i would have dealt with the feelings and emotions of being played around with... with you giving your whole heart and soul all for the reason of love... with you showing and saying all the feelings and reasons you have for loving her with everything.... and the other person shows interest.... kinda builds up everything ryt??? then all of a sudden, he/she just disappears from you.... and the feeling of fear and tragedy hits you where it hurts the most..... right in the dead center of your heart....

well i just asked myself that question..... and i think i found the answer while chatting with my friends..... its not that you lost out on love.... its that person that lost you.... i mean, you gave her/him everything you have and all your honest emotions.... what else can a person do ryt???